Twlight: The Naruto Version
by AcidicCookie and ScrapPancakes
Summary: Twilight was to be re-filmed and the new cast involves many of the Naruto celebrities. Hidan is casted as Bella and Gaara is casted ad Edward Cullen.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Haven't started writing this yet but here's my cast list. Will update you tomorrow with conversations between the actors as they receive the cast list in the mail. This is meant to be a parody, and nothing serious, so please please PLEASE do not go all "omfg gay faggot" on me. :'( **

**BTW: I love Hidan. He is so kick-arse. Fortunately he doesn't have a last name otherwise I would most probably become one of those pathetic fan girls that write "Mrs. Hidan (last name)" on all of my textbooks. Omg I am so pathetic. Okaythankyoubye**

Cast for Twilight – The Naruto Version

Hidan as Bella Swan

Sabaku no Gaara as Edward Cullen

Kiba as Jacob Black

Kakashi Hatake as Charlie Swan

Ino Yamanaka as Esme Cullen

Naruto Uzumaki as Carlisle Cullen

Deidara as Jasper Whitlock

Sakura Haruno as Alice Cullen

Itachi Uchiha as Emmett Cullen

Sasuke Uchiha as Rosalie Hale

Tobi as James

Kisame as Laurent

Kushina Uzumaki as Victoria


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Sorry everybody for the late post. I have been trying to contact AcidicPancakes who is also a writer on this website to do collaboration with me. AcidicPancakes has gladly accepted my request and we will now share this story and collaborate to write this story. Due to this operation, stories may be posted half a day later than promised. We apologise for the inconveniences caused and hope that this story will remain updated with the support of our readers. Updates of this story will be posted on our collaboration account AcidicCookie and ScrapPancakes. More collaborations will also be posted there in the near future. **

**Cast Announcement Day**

_The room is filled with people. Everyone chattered and laughed. As __**three judges**__ strode in, the room fell silent. The __**director**__ of the movie comes in._

**Director:** Thank you all for coming. You have been called back today because all of you have been casted for the new Twilight movie.

**Hidan:** _(Jumping with excitement)_ Did I get the part of Emmett sexy Cullen?

**Judge2:** We have the cast list here. _(He waves a piece of paper)_ You will all find your names and take your scripts back home. Unfortunately, due to time constraints, we have to film tomorrow. With your script, you will find directions to where we will meet and when.

**Hidan:** _(leaves the room with a script)_ I'm too fucking sexy for this. I'm afraid that I must celebrate over the fact that I was casted as Emmett. Goodbye motherfuckers.

_**Everyone**__ stood silently, exchanging glances. _

**Director:** Should we tell him that he got the part of Bella?

_Ignoring his question, everyone scurried to the cast list to find their names. _

**Kakashi**_**:**__ (To the __**director**__)_ Excuse me, but why was I casted for Charlie Swan? I thought I auditioned for Eric Yorkie.

**Director:** You have white hair! That makes you perfectly suitable for the part of an old man. Now if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to do.

**Kakashi:** _(To himself)_…I'm 29….

_The __**Uchiha brothers**__ approach the cast list to find their names adjacent to each other._

**Sasuke:** Rosalie? What's this? I'm not a girl!

**Itachi:** Emmett. Hn.

**Sasuke:** INCEST? I REFUSE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!

**Itachi:** _(ignoring his brother's childish screams)_ If I got Emmett, what did Hidan get?

**Sasuke + Itachi:** _(to each other)_ Bella.

_(__**Sakura**__ approaches __**Gaara**__, who sits in the corner of the room. He is crying)_

**Sakura**: Gaara, why are you crying?

_(__**Gaara**__ looks up briefly, and goes back to crying)_

**Naruto:** Sakura-chan. (He holds up a copy of the cast list)

**Sakura:** Edward Cullen?

_(__**Gaara**__ cries some more as __**Deidara**__ comes towards the trio)_

**Deidara:** _(smiling slyly) _You know, it's a pretty good part…

_(__**Gaara **__stops sobbing)_

**Deidara**: For a gay guy! (He walks off, laughing at his own joke)

_(__**Gaara **__cries again)_

**Temari**: So I got the part of Jessica Stanley. Hey hey, not bad. Yo, Hinata, who'd you get?

**Hinata:** Well, I hoped to get the part of Bella, but that was given to Hidan….I got the part of Angela.

**Temari:** Hidan got Bella?

**Hinata:** _(feeling a little awkward)_ Well, yes.

_(They both cast uneasy glances at each other)_

_(Angry Sasuke stomps his way to the judges.)_

**Sasuke:** You three have got to be out of your mind. I AM NOT GAY! I will NOT be the romantic interest of my brother. That is disgusting, gay and definitely incest!

**Judge 2:** Oh, Sasuke, we did check your profile to make sure you were gay.

**Sasuke:** My profile clearly does not state that I am GAY!

**Judge 3:** Apart from that we also looked at clips of your acting.

**Judge 1:** You were kissing Naruto Uzumaki passionately.

_(Sasuke stands completely baffled and stunned. He remains frozen in position as flashbacks of kissing Naruto fill his mind.)_

**Director:** Okay that is all, everybody! Get plenty of rest! Tomorrow will be a heck of a day!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi, Acidic here. I'm doing collab work with Scrap and we decided to do alternate chapters. Okay, yeah, writing time.**

**Dressing Room**

**Make up artist 1: **Gaara, please hold still.

**Gaara**: But I don't like contacts! And why must my eyes be red anyway?

**Make up artist 1**: It's your character, Gaara. Now hold still.

_*Inside the changing room*_

**Hidan**: What? What the fuck is this? *flapping brown long-haired wig* What the fuck?

**Designer 1**: That would be a wig, Hidan-san.

**Hidan: **A wig? Emmett wears a wig? Now that is fucking sexy! *put on wig* Good morning, fuckers! Emmett is in town!

**Itachi**: Hn *put on shirt*

**Sasuke**: I REFUSE! I REFUSE TO WEAR THIS WIG!

**Itachi**: Sasuke, be a good boy and wear it!

**Tobi**: Tobi is a good boy!

**Itachi**: Not you, Tobi.

**Naruto**: I have to wear glasses? This is kinda awkward, dattebayo.

**Sasuke**: AWKWARD? YOU THINK GLASSES ARE AWKWARD? WHAT ABOUT ME?

**Hidan**: Chh, fucking idiots. You lot are always so noisy. *step out*

**Designer 1**: Wait! Hidan, you need these *hands him fake boobs*

**Hidan**: Why the fuck do I need…. Oh! I get it! Chest muscles!

**Designer 1**: Err, no. They're fake boobs.

**Hidan**: Urusai! What'd you know anyway?

**Tobi**: *comes out from changing room* Tobi has a ponytail! :D

**Designer 2**: Uhh, Tobi. For this role, you need to remove your mask.

**Tobi**: Oh? Tobi needs to remove his mask? Okay! *remove*

_*silence*_

**Tobi**: Nani?

**Itachi**: Tobi… you were black this whole time?

**Tobi**: Hai!

**Director**: Are you guys ready yet… wait. What?

**Tobi**: Domo, Producer-san!

**Director**: STOP! Tobi! You are now Laurent. Kisame will be James.

_*After a few minutes of preparation…*_

**Director**: Everyone, thank you for coming this early. Now, I expect that all of you have remembered your lines. We're going to film the first scene, where Bella goes to her dad's house. Now, Hidan, come here…

**Hidan**: Don't touch me, you asshole! I can fucking walk by myself!

**Director**: Knock on the door and Kakashi will open it. Then start the script. Okay, everyone, three, two, one! Action!

**Hidan**: *knock*

_*silence*_

**Hidan**: *knock very loudly*

**Director**: Cut. Open the door and tell Kakashi he needs to come out.

**Hidan**: *open door* OI! ASS WIPE! When I'm at the door, you need to answer it, fucking hell! Wait… where are you?

**Director**: Is he not there?

**Hidan**: Oh. My. Jashin.

_*Three hours later…*_

**Kakashi**: Sorry I'm late. I was lost on the road of life…

**Naruto**: Liar!

**Director**: Oh, Kakashi, you need to stand inside the house and get the door when… why are you wearing a mask?

**Kakashi**: Personal reasons.

**Director**: Well, please take it off.

**Kakashi**: *takes off mask but hides face with Icha Icha Tactics*

**Naruto**: OI! Charlie doesn't read erotic novels!

**Kakashi**: He does now.

_*After a few struggles, __**Kakashi**__ was settled with a dark blue book with the police symbol on it*_

**Director**: That's more "Charlie-style". Okay, now three, two, one! Action!

**Hidan**: *knock on door*

**Kakashi**: *open door* Oh! You're home!

**Hidan**: We'll rip him apart with our hands… then burn the pieces!

**Director**: Cut. Hidan, you're supposed to say "Umm, yeah. Hi… dad. I've missed you."

**Hidan**: What? He's not my fucking dad!

**Director**: In the movie it is…

**Hidan**: No! I'm Emmett! Bella is _his _fucking daughter! Stupid geezer, you need to get your facts straight!

**Director**: But Hidan… you _are _Bella.

**Hidan**: …WHAT THE FUCK?

**There. Hope you enjoyed that little segment. The next chapter will be done by Scrap Cookies. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the late post, I was lost on the road of life. Also I've been reading lots of Icha Icha. Peace, Scrap Cookies.**

Hidan stands chin out with an arrogant profile. He taps his feet and pouts his lips. Hidan's notoriously branded lips began to shoot out vulgarities of unbelievable evil as fast as a machine gun and the director was taken back. 'This certainly is your role, Hidan-san,' whimpered the terrified director who scrambled to look for legal documents. He produces a contract of four years and presented the paper to Hidan.

"It says Emmett," insisted Hidan. "You blind arse, look closer!" said the director as he raised his voice. Hidan reaches over and snatched Naruto's faux glasses. "Rape!" exclaimed Naruto. Hidan mumbles as he read the contract and his eyes widened at the words: in the role of Bella Swan. His gaze quickly swerved to stare back at his handwriting. Hidan stormed out of the scene and into the distance as everyone watched him go. Kakashi was secretly glad as he could continue reading Icha Icha behind the cover of a police handbook wrap.

The scene was quickly switched to film other aspects of the movie. A table was piled with scrumptious food as Sakura, Deidara, Itachi and Sasuke sat around it in silence. The cameras began rolling and Gaara swaggers in.

"Cut," said the director, "Gaara, lose that gourd. It looks like you have two massive boobs on your back." Gaara removes his gourd and the scene continues. Deidara, as Jasper, had no problems acting the part. He was hungry yet he was not to luncheon. Snickering, he placed his hands on the table and ate the food discreetly. Unfortunately it was spaghetti and he slurped it like a vacuum cleaner, echoing louder than any other sound in the room. "Cut again," sighed the director, "Jasper! Stop fucking hogging the food you fake vampire. It's really gross. Also, you have veggie stuck in between the teeth of your left hand. Sasuke, sit closer to Itachi, you're meant to be in love."

Itachi smiled sweetly at Sasuke, who proceeded to puke on the salad in front of him. "Oh look, some dressing," commented Itachi. Everyone stood up to avoid being spilled on. Everyone was asked to have a 20 minute break and Gaara grabbed his gourd.

In the dressing room, Ino was crying. Sakura was by her side, rubbing her shoulder and trying to cheer her up. "Why am I Esme?" Ino asked between sobs, "That means I'm a mother! I'm not that old!" Sakura pointed out that Esme was merely twenty three but Ino will not hear any of it. A loud crash distracted the pair as they raised their heads to find Naruto walking into yet another pillar.

"Hidan! Wait for me!" shouted the dizzy Naruto who walked in circles before finding his feet. He chased Hidan who declared that life was not worth living. Hidan flamboyantly strode into his cabin and shut the doors. From outside, Sakura can hear sobbing and weeping. She gave her newly dyed hair a flip before getting up towards Naruto.

"Help! I am suffering from neglect!" wept Hidan pitifully. Sakura and Naruto exchanged glances before Sakura entered. Naruto simply walked into another wall. Sakura found that Hidan had not been weeping at all. In fact, he was flexing his muscles in front of a mirror, practicing poses and smiles. "I am the perfect Emmett, aren't I?" he asked himself, "So why am I Bella?"

"But all true men aren't afraid of being girls! True men wear pink skirts!" exclaimed Naruto. Hidan was touched and he gripped his Jashin pendant, whispering prayers. He nodded with approval and threw on a beautiful white gown with sparkles. His wig was on and he borrowed some mascara from Ino. He walked out of his cabin with pride and demanded to refilm his part.

Gaara and Ino sat together as they studied the tiny instruments found on the dressing table. Gaara had wanted to cheer Ino up by teaching her how to wear eyeliner. Ino found this lesson quite inspiring. In return, she taught Gaara how to wear lipgloss and blusher. Gaara loved the way he looked and the two became great friends.

Just as they started looking through hair accessories, Kankuro and Temari entered the room to take Gaara home. Gaara's made up face was stunned and his siblings were given a fright. Temari rushed to get makeup remover as Kankuro sat down beside him.

"Gaara, it's okay how you feel. You can always tell us, we will understand," Kankuro started. Gaara gave him a confused look and kankuro carried on, "It's okay to be gay. It's perfectly normal to like guys." Gaara's eyes widened and his fake eyebrows rose. Temari sat beside him and began wiping away his makeup. "So, who do you like eh?" inquired Kankuro, "Is it Hidan? Huh Huh?" Gaara began crying again as he whimpered, "I am not gay!" Temari hushed him down.

"I like Ino," Gaara silently added.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So Scrap Cookies….**

***bitch slap***

**WTF? WTF? GAARAXINO IS SUUUUUUUPER GAY! I HATE YOU!**

**Please review, bitches :D!**

Filming room

Hidan: Fuck yeah, I am Bella. Sup, dad?

Kakashi: Sup….? What? That's not in the script.

Director: Hidan, please follow the script.

Hidan: Fine. Um, hi dad. I've fucking missed you!

Director: Cut. Hidan, Bella is a kind of quiet, timid girl. You're being a little too flamboyant. Tone it down a little, please.

Hidan: FINE! Um… *waggles fingers gayly* Hi, daaaad… I've missed you!

Director: Brilliant.

_Meanwhile…_

Gaara: Umm, Ino…

Ino: Oh, hey Gaara! What's up?

Gaara: Well… I came to say that… I…

Ino: You… what?

Gaara: Well.. umm… I kinda… like you.

Ino: Awwww, Gaara, that's so sweet. I like you too!

Gaara: Really? :D

Ino: Yeah! We're best friends after all, aren't we?

Gaara: …*mutter* She missed the point…

_Back in the filming room…_

Director: Hidan, PLEASE PUT THAT SCYTHE DOWN!

Hidan: I need to fucking pray, you son of a bitch! Jashin-sama called me!

Director: We're in the middle of a critical scene! Now shut up and get back in your position!

Hidan: I better get a fucking Oscar for doing this! *walks to position and puts on girly voice and waves hands a lot* Who's that hunk over there?

Gaara: I feel awkward :(

Temari: It's the Cullens. Cool, attractive, but they don't talk to anyone else at all…

Hidan: Well, this will soon be sorted! *walks up to table* Hello, Cullens! *rips shirt* Bam!

Sakura: *nosebleed*

Director: HIDAAAAN! Everyone, break! Now!

_Back in the dressing room…_

Naruto: Gaara? What's up?

Gaara: Well, I told Ino that I liked her but she didn't react that well.

Naruto: Ah… well that's probably because… Oh shit. Nothing!

Gaara: What? What were you going to say?

Naruto: Nothing! Dattebayo!

Gaara: Say it… *death look*

Naruto: ! *Almost shat himself* P-people think that y-you're gay… because you got the role of Edward Cullen!

Gaara: WHAT? I'm not gay!

_Somewhere in a bathroom…_

Sasuke: *puking* I hate you, nii-san!


End file.
